The B-Styles Relationship Corner: “The Case of the Ex”


I’ve been debating whether or not to start a relationship column in my blog, but after thinking long and hard on it this week I decided to give it a go. So I’m gonna try my hand at being a sorta “Dr. Ruth”, lol.  Lately I’ve been listening to various ladies talk about their situations and it seems alot of people are going through the same things. Maybe because it’s around the holiday time and as women sometimes we tend to get a little sentimental, I don’t know. But the topic that I wanna discuss today is, “People and their Ex’s”. Now let me just say up front  that this is not a male-bashing article, but as a woman I must speak from a woman’s point of view. Recently I have noticed that alot of people find it hard to let their ex’s go.  Me myself I don’t like beefing with anyone so I always “try” to remain cordial, but that’s about it. When it’s over, it’s over. I won’t be going back to see if we can work it out at a future date.


Take this for example, I have a single “friend” who seemingly everytime she gets with a guy, their ex comes out of the woodworks and messes things up for her and that guy. It seems to be pattern with her and her dating life. So much so that I always feel so bad for her when she calls me. Some guys wait until a woman catches feelings for them and then that’s when the trouble starts. Now personally I have had this to happen a time or two myself which is why I haven’t had a steady boyfriend since 2007. My last ex took the cake for me. After dating for almost nine months, and after countless run ins between his ex and myself, he broke up with me. (Mind you I had never been dumped in my life up until then). I was completely caught off guard. I mean his ex had allegedly been riding by my house, she was calling me and hanging up in my face, she was emailing me from a bogus account, she was also still contacting his family and he even “cursed” her out in front of me trying to prove to me that it was over. I really thought that she was stalking us trying to cause problems. (But evidently he was fronting for me, which was shocking being that he was a so-called “church man”). You can imagine my surprise when a week after he broke up with me I saw them together. Even more of a kicker is when I found out that they just got “married” last year. Situations like that make you really hesitant to date and trust.


So my question today is “Why is it so hard to let the ex’s go?”. Is it because you are afraid to learn someone new all over again, could it just be a sex thing or were you never really over them to begin with? Could it be that as the ex you just want to see if you still can have them when you really don’t want them anymore? Or do we feel we need a “backup” plan in case the new mate doesn’t work out?


Now women, some of us do it too. I’ve seen situations where women are in abusive or adulterous relationships and still go back. Why? Especially if their aren’t any kids involved? Do we feel that we can’t get another man? Or is the ratio of men to women just that low?


Overall we as a people need to take others feelings into account when we’re doing some of the things that we do in relationships. Always be honest or otherwise that’s how some folks end up with scratched up car doors, broken windows and restraining orders. Ok, I’m done venting for now, I wanna hear your opinions, sound off in the comments section below!